I LOVE LOVE LOVE being single! It really is the best thing ever!
Now I know this isn’t travel or mental health related but I’ve decided to talk about things that I consider myself an expert in and aside from travel and mental health I consider singledom as an area of expertise.
I’ve been single for 5 years now. I’ve done my fair share of dating and got a stock pile of hilarious dating/hook up anecdotes which will all be revealed the more I post. I also fancy myself as a modern Carrie Bradshaw from Sex And The City even though I would never be stupid enough to choose Mr Big over Aiden #carriebradshawfail.
Being single in your 30’s has historically been seen as a bad thing and is sadly still seen as a bad thing even in todays society. The amount of pitying smiles I get from well meaning loved ones as they say “don’t worry you’ll find someone”.
But guess what?! I don’t want to find anyone! I love being single! No really, I actually do! I’ve been in relationships, relationships which aren’t officially relationships, had friends with benefits and everything in between and I’ve realised that life is so much easier and so much more fulfilling kicking it solo!
I’m not ruling out ever getting in to a relationship, although as I start my movement of strong single women travelling the world I guess I am for now, but the guy, timing, set up, the space to be my authentic self and everything would have to be 100% absolutely perfect for this girl to settle down.
However, I see too often single women around me desperate to find a man, who feel incomplete being single, who think they need a man to determine their place in the world and this makes me so sad. Not in a pitying sense, I mean sad in a way that I’m sad that society has made these strong, beautiful inside and out women feel less than worthy because they don’t have a man by their side. Every woman should be able to be their authentic self no matter what!
So I’m here to change that narrative and to empower single women to step up and be the authentic goddesses that they truly are!
I’m going to do this by first of all telling you 10 reasons why I love being single and why you should too!
This is the one of the most important ones which is why it’s gotten top spot on my list. I can do what the hell I want when the hell I want to do it! One of the absolute best things about being single! Yes, this may sound selfish and I’m not even going to bullshit you with excuses about why it’s not selfish because in a lot of ways it is but so what?! I spend a lot of time giving to others (which I will get on to in future points) so I love that I get to spend my free time pleasing myself and making me happy instead of running around after a guy.
People often think I have loads of time on my hands because I don’t have a partner or children but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I am busy pursuing personal development, giving back to others, travelling, taking myself on dates and looking after myself. These are all things that I will look at in further detail in other points as I feel that they need their own number on my list.
2. Getting to be my authentic self all the time
How many times have you seen on TV shows or films a scene where a woman wakes up before the man she’s in bed with, does her hair and makeup and then gets back in to bed quietly and pretends that she’s woken up like that?!
Admittedly I watch a hell of a lot of chick flicks and Sex and the City so I’ve probably seen it more times than most. Nevertheless this is still a common place thing to do both in films and in real life.
Ok, you’re probably thinking where the hell is she going with this point and that I will tell you now…. When you’re in a relationship from the second you wake up until the second you go to sleep you are constantly aware of how you’re presenting and acting. You are aware of how you look, your embarrassing habits, your laugh, your smile, how you come across when you’re pissed off, everything!
Meanwhile I’m over here dancing naked to 90’s cheese music living my best life because I have no one to answer to or judge me! Getting to be your authentic self without the constant worry of impressing a guy is one of the best things about being single.
I’ve been there when I’ve been dating guys worrying about my body, my smile, my quirks, how I’m coming across and it’s just exhausting. I’m absolutely over impressing guys! Really, I’m over it!
Do I care that I scared the shit out of all the guys apart from the Aussie men in the hostel I stayed in in Medellin, Colombia for a week with my hyper, loud personality?! Absofuckinglutely not! Why?! Because I don’t need their approval to validate my existence. I’m perfectly happy being my best authentic self! This is number 2, but is also joint number 1 reason why I love being single.
3. Travelling solo
If you know me or have been following me for a while now you know how much I love to travel solo! Having travelled both solo and with others I find that there’s so much more excitement and opportunity for adventure travelling solo. I love travelling with my friends but my craziest travel stories have always come from my solo endeavours.
Its also worth mentioning that I’ve also travelled whilst in relationships both couple holidays and leaving my partner at home and its never turned out well. Throwback to the time me and my best friend Sarah took our boyfriends at the time to Amsterdam with us and Sarah and her boyfriend had to witness my boyfriend fat shame me over breakfast. It was really no surprise that I dumped him when I got home was it?!
Travelling whilst leaving a partner at home is equally as stressful because you have to make sure you text or call them everyday and when you’re busy having adventures its just a pain in the arse making time in your day to talk to them.
4. Solo Dates
I know its going to sound weird but I love taking myself on dates. It makes me feel so empowered and gives me the feeling of living my best independent woman life!
I know eating on your own in a restaurant sounds daunting to a lot of people but I like to see the upside to this situation. For starters I’m a really slow eater so eating alone takes the pressure off. I can eat as slow as I want with no one judging me or making comments. I’m also a slow walker so going on walks on my own means I have no pressure to walk faster so others aren’t waiting for me. I love strolling along stopping to take photos at my leisurely snails pace.
My favourite solo date was when Magic Magid (for those who don’t know who he is he was the mayor of Sheffield and he was a super down to earth Green Party guy and my favourite politician) was doing an interview at the local theatre for the Migration Matters festival so I took myself for dinner then to watch the interview. I had a yummy dinner at a local restaurant and then walked over to the theatre where the interview was being held. I had no one rushing me and I could do things my way. The interview was amazing and I got to meet Magic Magid at the end. I was of course a bumbling idiot meeting my favourite politician but it was still an amazing experience.
5. Have more time to focus on personal development
Personal development is a biggie for me and another reason why I love being single as I have time to focus on personal development without distractions. I’m an ambitious woman with big dreams and goals and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get there.
Even if you’re not overly ambitious its still important to have dreams and goals and being single allows you the time freedom to pursue your dreams.
I’m currently studying my second degree in Environmental Studies part time with the Open University, taking weekly French lessons and building my blog and photography skills. I know I couldn’t do all of this whilst working full time if I was in a relationship.
I know you’re probably thinking but you can! Well the truth is I tried. I was dating a lovely guy who was really quite amazing but he lived 7 hours away from me and seeing him every other weekend whilst working full time and chasing my dreams was just too much. Seriously not enough hours in the week! So I decided to put chasing my dreams before a relationship and made the hard decision to choose me and my dreams instead because not every happy ending needs to end with a relationship.
6. More time to love on others and help others out
I know I mentioned in point number 1 about being selfish but the truth is being single you have the opportunity to give so much back to others. Because you don’t have a partner to consider you can be that friend who drops everything to comfort a loved one, volunteer your time with a charity, care for your elderly grandparent, I could go on because the opportunities to love on others as a single person are endless.
Being a good person is important to me and I think its vital to use your time to help others. We might be single but we don’t have to be alone in it and being around others and helping those in need is a perfect way to beat single life loneliness which admittedly sometimes happens on cold winter nights. I mean I’m all for single life being awesome but I’m willing to admit that winter is often the time when awesome single people struggle.
7. No pressure from guy or families to do grown up things like have babies
If I was still with my ex fiancé now (I broke up with him in May 2015) I’d probably have 2 children by now. Those who know me well know that I’ve always been dead set against having children but the pressure from Jacob(name changed) and his family to have children would’ve eventually worn me down and I would’ve begrudgingly caved to motherhood. News flash, this is NOT the way to have children!
When you’ve been in a relationship for some time people start expecting you to do grown up things like have a baby, buy a house and get married. As my mother always said there’s more than one way to swing a cat!
I’m over here like I just want to save money and travel. I’d still be saying that even if hell did freeze over and I got in to another relationship. And guess what?! That’s ok! I don’t have to do all these grown up things just because society or anyone else tells me to! Being single you have less pressure from people to tick off the ‘Grown up checklist’ which means more time to chase your dreams and do whatever the hell you want!
8. Not having to worry about your weight or how you look
Ok, admittedly this is a double-edged sword but given the fat shaming I got in my last relationship I really think being single works in your favour in terms of not having to worry about how you look. I’m not just basing this on my experience, I know loads of girls in relationships who are self conscious about how they look as they want their partners to consider themselves attractive.
Being single I don’t have that problem. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’d like to loose some weight but that’s because of the arthritis in my back not because I feel the need to impress anyone.
When you’re truly happy being single you don’t need to worry about how you look because you’re friends and family love you exactly how you are so what does it matter who finds you physically attractive?!
9. No one to dictate what time you go to bed and what time you wake up
Oh man this was biggest bug bear in my last 2 relationships. I was doing shift work whilst my 2 previous partners didn’t which meant my sleep patterns were all over the shop what with 7am starts, 10pm finishes and 15 hour shifts. So can you imagine my horror when on my days off I got hounded to get out of bed at 9am?! Jacob hounded me to get out of bed at 9am to do housework, McDickhead (trust me it’s an appropriate name change for him given he was the guy who fat shamed me in front of my best friend in Amsterdam among other things) harassed me to get up to go exercising with him then would give me the silent treatment all day if I didn’t!
Ok, these are extreme examples I know but I know couples who have one being an early riser and the other being a night owl and it causes no end of problems. You can try going to bed and waking up at different times but if one of you is a light sleeper you’re fucked!
So my fellow single pringles, enjoy going to bed and waking up whenever the fuck you want because it’s a privilege!
10. No one hogging the duvet
I realise this post has been quite heavy so I’m ending on an oldy but a classic, having the bed all to yourself! That’s right you get to spread out, have the temperature in the bedroom exactly how you want it and no one to hog the duvet! You sleep soundly my singletons because there’s plenty of coupled up people out there that are tearing their hair out!
I’ve covered quite a lot of ground in this blog post and shared a lot of personal stories. I’m not going to lie these personal often seemingly ridiculous stories will keep coming so strap yourselves in for a hell of a ride reading this blog!
I’d love to hear your thoughts, opinions and views on this blog post so leave a message in the comments or message me on Instagram.